Saying "no" is my biggest challenge!!! I love getting involved in things, staying busy, being proactive. On the other hand, it stresses my family out. I wish more moms would join together in saying "no" to too many activities for our children and our own schedules. I was talking with Kara, one of the owners of my favorite scrapbooking store The Paperie Place, and she said it well..."its like we need a support group of moms who insist on saying "no" to too many activities. She told how as she grew up in Liberty she enjoyed just walking around the Liberty Square on a nice day. Who does that type of thing anymore? I know my kids don't have time to "just walk around" and play outside on a regular basis. What is wrong with our society? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with you? Here is an excerpt of a newsletter written by Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family (I highlighted the sentence that hit home with me the most):
"I find that children and young people are starved today for family life as it used to be — but almost never is. When my late father-in-law, Joe Kubishta, was 89, and Shirley's mom was 90, young people still loved to come see them. Why? Because everything there was so much fun. They had time to play table games, laugh, eat and talk about whatever interested the young adults. Nobody was in a hurry. If they were ever called on the phone, they were always available to talk. One of their frequent visitors was an unmarried man named Charlie who loved the Kubishtas. When he had to move away, he drove 60 miles to their house with a rosebush that he planted in their backyard. He just wanted to make sure Joe and Alma didn't forget him. This elderly man and woman provided something to those who were younger that is simply not available elsewhere. How sad.
In closing, let me emphasize one more time that the trouble we are having with our children is linked directly to routine panic and the increasing isolation and detachment from you, their parents. Furthermore, boys typically suffer more from these conditions than do girls. Why? Because boys are more likely to get off-course when they are not guided and supervised carefully. They are inherently more volatile and less stable emotionally. They founder in chaotic, unsupervised and undisciplined circumstances. Boys are like automobiles that need a driver at the steering wheel every moment of the journey, gently turning a half inch here and a quarter-inch there. They will need this guidance for at least 16 or 18 years, or even longer. When left to their own devices, they tend to drift toward the center divider or into the ditch, toward misbehavior or danger. Yet 59 percent of today's kids come home to an empty house. It is an invitation to mischief or disaster for rambunctious males, and the older they get, the more opportunities they have to get into trouble. Today, when the culture is in a tug-of-war with families for control of our children, we can't afford to be casual about their care and training.
Your task as a mother, in conjunction with your husband, is to build a man out of the raw materials available in this delightful little boy, stone upon stone upon stone. Never assume for a moment that you can "do your own thing" without serious consequences for him and his sister. I believe this task must be your highest priority for a period of time. It will not always be required of you. Before you know it, that child at your feet will become a young man who will pack his bags and take his first halting steps into the adult world. Then it will be your turn. By all expectations, you should have decades of health and vigor left to invest in whatever God calls you to do. But for now, there is a higher calling. I feel obligated to tell you this, whether my words are popular or not. Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility. Besides, living by that priority when kids are small will produce the greatest rewards at maturity."
In closing, let me emphasize one more time that the trouble we are having with our children is linked directly to routine panic and the increasing isolation and detachment from you, their parents. Furthermore, boys typically suffer more from these conditions than do girls. Why? Because boys are more likely to get off-course when they are not guided and supervised carefully. They are inherently more volatile and less stable emotionally. They founder in chaotic, unsupervised and undisciplined circumstances. Boys are like automobiles that need a driver at the steering wheel every moment of the journey, gently turning a half inch here and a quarter-inch there. They will need this guidance for at least 16 or 18 years, or even longer. When left to their own devices, they tend to drift toward the center divider or into the ditch, toward misbehavior or danger. Yet 59 percent of today's kids come home to an empty house. It is an invitation to mischief or disaster for rambunctious males, and the older they get, the more opportunities they have to get into trouble. Today, when the culture is in a tug-of-war with families for control of our children, we can't afford to be casual about their care and training.
Your task as a mother, in conjunction with your husband, is to build a man out of the raw materials available in this delightful little boy, stone upon stone upon stone. Never assume for a moment that you can "do your own thing" without serious consequences for him and his sister. I believe this task must be your highest priority for a period of time. It will not always be required of you. Before you know it, that child at your feet will become a young man who will pack his bags and take his first halting steps into the adult world. Then it will be your turn. By all expectations, you should have decades of health and vigor left to invest in whatever God calls you to do. But for now, there is a higher calling. I feel obligated to tell you this, whether my words are popular or not. Raising children who have been loaned to us for a brief moment outranks every other responsibility. Besides, living by that priority when kids are small will produce the greatest rewards at maturity."
1 comment:
Thanks for including this reminder. It is so true. Keeping too busy is not good. Over the years, I felt it necessary to be home when my children come home from school. I have found that when my kids come home from school, that is the time they are most likely to talk. If I am willing to listen, I learn so much about my children and what is going on in their lives. It helps me to be a better mother.
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